Ohmygosh. Thursday night is one of the best nights I have ever had in town. He shouted me heaps of drinks, feeding me shots all night. And I ran into so many people I know. Probably about 20 people signed my cast, and the bouncers at crazy's gave me entry with no ID because they wanted to save me the trouble of getting it out of my pocket. I had an excellent night. When we got back to his place we had a few smokes, and if you would believe it, I slipped over in the bathroom when I was stone-cold sober. It was so embarrassing. But he really didn't laugh at me, and was really concerned. I know I sound like a airhead teenager right now, but I have to tell somebody, I'm so excited. We went to bed and he massaged and rubbed my back, and we had the most amazing sex I've ever had. It felt good but the amazing part was the intensity. Being able to look into somebody else's eyes and not break the connection in such an intimate moment. Usually I'd keep my eyes closed the whole time. But this was different. He is the first person I have been with that I have never looked at in a random moment and thought "What the fuck am I even doing with this person?". He makes me strangely comfortable in the most awkward situations. And he's a cuddler. So there's no sinking, lonely, used feeling that comes from one-night-stands.
He is unusual. The reason that we are only dating and not in a relationship is because he thinks there is a curse on him. He can't explain why, but once he's with somebody for a long period of time, he, without warning, just stops being in love with them. He told me about it, and said that he doesn't want to break my heart, but he really likes me. So we're officially "dating" now. But I would really like it to progress into a relationship. And after the last few days and nights, I think I may have fallen for him a lot harder than I first thought. He is like my perfect match. He knows what to do to please me and he kisses in the same way that I do. Almost like he was made compatible to me. But sticking with the statement in my last blog... I expect nothing. If it doesn't work out, I will not allow myself to be hurt too much. I believe I have used up my quota of heartbreak, and I don't deserve any more. So if he wants to be with me, I'll be over the moon. But I will not allow it to drag me back down to where I was the last time I was heartbroken. I will understand if his feelings change, and handle it like a mature adult. Because I AM a mature adult. No matter what anybody says. So we'll sit back, relax and see where it takes me.
That said... Still grinning from ear to ear. <3
Friday, July 3, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Something so true is what I get from you, and I hope that you see you get the best of me...
Today has been pretty long. But I felt like writing a little something, seeing as I am home alone for the first time in a while.
It takes a very kind and open heart to do what has been done for me over the last six months. And I am more than lucky to be where I am, today. From the day I met Shardae, I knew she was a keeper. I have made many of the wrong friends throughout my lifetime, been a terrible judge of good character and just a general sucker in friendship and love. I can honestly say that I can count my close, true friends on one hand. Shardae is one of them. Her partner Greg is another. And their daughter Gypsy is the icing on the cake.
I met Shardae in February, when she started in the second week of my course. And as if over-night, I became part of her family. At the time, I was friends with Amanda (long story to be explained later) and we'd go and hang out sometimes. But it was quite obvious as time went by that Shardy and I had become a lot closer than she and Amanda. I began staying at Shardae's house and ended up living there, as I still do. Things began to get messy with Amanda and, as a result of her continuous disregard for anything and anyone besides herself, the three of us became two.
Greg goes out of his way to help me with anything I need, and has done so even before my mishap with my ankle. He offers to take me anywhere I need to go, cooks, cleans up and entertains. He is, in all honesty, my idea of a perfect brother. And on top of all that, I can talk to him whenever I need to. He is always there to support me, ready with glue in hand to fix me when I fall apart. Which, to my horror, he's had to do a few times. One day, I hope I can repay him for everything he has done for me.
Shardae always puts a smile on my face. She has welcomed me into her family with open arms and has made me feel loved when I have been at the lowest point I ever remember reaching. She is my stability, my shoulder to cry on, my safety and one of my very few best friends. I have no idea what I would do without her and I credit her with keeping both my feet firmly on the ground when I'm at risk of floating away. I don't know what I EVER did without a friend like her.
And lastly but certainly not least, Gypsy. A little ray of sunshine. I love waking up every morning to "HI DAWWWDAAAAN!". I miss her like nothing else whenever I am away from her. She is the most adorable, intelligent and hilarious little girl I've met, and I am proud that she deems me worthy of her love. Crazy Aunty Jordy isn't going anywhere, Gyppo. So lets hope she can keep up with you as you get older!
I don't know what I've done to deserve a family as amazing as this. But I wouldn't trade them for anyone or anything in the world. <3
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