So I had a mint weekend. Friday afternoon Troy came over and picked me up. We went to the Mount and got chips and ONE potato fritter (which was grosss), and made a pack of 30 seagulls fight for every bite. We checked which movies were on, then figured we had about 45 minutes to kill, so we went and parked up at Pilot Bay and took a few funny photos. Then back to the cinema to see Where The Wild Things Are. It was an awesome movie, I cried (yes I am a big GIRL on the inside) by the end. Definitely worth seeing, though. I urge you to go and see.
We got back to Papamoa after the movie, after a quick stop at the Liquor Store and Woolworths, where we had a couple of drinks with Krystal and her two friends, I played a bit of Spyro The Dragon on oldschool Playstation I! Then Rhys got home from work, we had some more drinks, a mass sesh and then watched Paranormal Activity which, by the way, is a bullshit movie. I guess if it was happening to you, it'd be freaky, but it ain't happening to me. And yes, I know, it's just a movie but I believe in paranormal and supernatural occurrences.
On Saturday, we went for a drive, Troy got BOTH of us poor bastards some lunch. Sweet Chilli Chicken Roll. Mmmmm. Then we spent quite some time trying to think of something to do... And ended up on the beach, making a sand sculpture of a lady. It was really cool, actually. I enjoyed it. After we'd finished that, we went back to the house, I whinged that I wanted food for a while and somehow Troy ended up cooking. Satay Rice, how inventive!! We farted around for a while, then played darts, Chinese Checkers and Cluedo. I had lots of fun. Then we watched a movie and went to sleep.
Sunday, I got dropped off home and then went and hung out with Leigh, Mike and the kids. We went to the beach and kind of made sandcastles (Pip kept stealing sand from my castle to put in his bucket) and ran around like headless chooks for a while. Then it was ICEBLOCK TIME! And we went back to their place, had roast, a few Woodies and headed back home.
And here I am today, alone in my house, writing a blog because I can't find a job, I have no money, no petrol and no way to escape!!! Hopefully I am paid tomorrow because I really need to go and actively hand out CVs, but I can't GET ANYWHERE. Life is too hard, I tell you.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
It's better to burn out, then fade away, my my, hey hey...
I got a pleasant surprise yesterday. Somehow, someone paid for my $40 parking ticket. I was absolutely stoked. And tomorrow I'm getting 2 new tyres. I'm pretty excited, because after that's sorted, all I have to do to fix my car completely is get a new gearbox seal and I will have a 100% functioning vehicle. Although I think that over the holidays I might need to save up my money to replace my cambelt when it's due to be done... Only a couple of thousand km's til then. Here's hoping I have enough time before then!!!
I've spent the last few days farting around, unfortunately, and procrastinating like a MOFO. I did start on my textiles booklet though, which is good. And all my research and design for HCC is done. So I have made progress. I need to have a serious meeting with my tutors though. Hopefully I can get a point in the right direction for my Tshirt assignment. And I think I have to do a lot of sewing, too. So I might have to spend the weekend there, too. I'm on the wintec website attempting to apply for the BMA. But I can't really submit my application when it won't let me change the No it has on it for whether English is my first language. And I don't know what kind of qualification I get from completing this year. WHOOOO knows. I'm going to have to ring them tomorrow.
And once again I went out of my way to cook my father dinner and he didn't even bother to put it in the fridge, he just left it and didn't eat it. That kind of thing pisses me off. So I left him a nice note saying that he should never expect me to cook for him again and he shouldn't bother cooking for me either because I'll just leave it where it is and not eat it, and see what HE says. He bitches and moans when I don't come out of my room the second whatever he has made is ready, yet he's rude enough to ignore all the effort I went to. He just fucks me off, I cannot wait to be out of here again. It's times like these that make me wonder why he even asked me to live here. He does nothing but complain until he fucks off the Kaeo and doesn't even ring when he's not coming home when he said he is. And they aren't even moving down here. I really want to laugh in his face and say SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR BEING UNGRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE. But then again, why would a father appreciate the daughter of his dead wife. Not like I require a parent anyway, right? Because I'm old enough to look after myself, why would I want at least one parent that maybe might like me even a little bit? Heh. No, I don't need that, do I?
Asshole.
I've spent the last few days farting around, unfortunately, and procrastinating like a MOFO. I did start on my textiles booklet though, which is good. And all my research and design for HCC is done. So I have made progress. I need to have a serious meeting with my tutors though. Hopefully I can get a point in the right direction for my Tshirt assignment. And I think I have to do a lot of sewing, too. So I might have to spend the weekend there, too. I'm on the wintec website attempting to apply for the BMA. But I can't really submit my application when it won't let me change the No it has on it for whether English is my first language. And I don't know what kind of qualification I get from completing this year. WHOOOO knows. I'm going to have to ring them tomorrow.
And once again I went out of my way to cook my father dinner and he didn't even bother to put it in the fridge, he just left it and didn't eat it. That kind of thing pisses me off. So I left him a nice note saying that he should never expect me to cook for him again and he shouldn't bother cooking for me either because I'll just leave it where it is and not eat it, and see what HE says. He bitches and moans when I don't come out of my room the second whatever he has made is ready, yet he's rude enough to ignore all the effort I went to. He just fucks me off, I cannot wait to be out of here again. It's times like these that make me wonder why he even asked me to live here. He does nothing but complain until he fucks off the Kaeo and doesn't even ring when he's not coming home when he said he is. And they aren't even moving down here. I really want to laugh in his face and say SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR BEING UNGRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE. But then again, why would a father appreciate the daughter of his dead wife. Not like I require a parent anyway, right? Because I'm old enough to look after myself, why would I want at least one parent that maybe might like me even a little bit? Heh. No, I don't need that, do I?
Asshole.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
According to you, I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right.....
So it's 1pm and I have been trying like a retard still to win tickets to RITV. I reeeeally wanna go, because I never do anything for New Years. Then again I don't reeeeally wanna drive all the way from Gisborne on my birthday.. I wonder what I should DO for my birthday. I put a message out on my facebook asking for suggestions a few minutes ago, so we'll see how that goes.
I'm not too sure what to do with myself right now, to be honest. I know I have heaps of school work to do but I just want my weekend to be my weekend for now. I already did heaps of research and designed something for my History assignment, so I've made progress. I have a lot to do though... I'm just being lazy, I think. But hey, I have 12 days to finish 7 assignments and 3 construction assessments so I think even though I will be pushing it I'll just make myself do it. Maybe I should put the laptop away to avoid procrastination on the internet. Hahahahahaha. Yeah right.
Okay okay 12 days isn't much. I'm going to do some bloody homework. Geeez.
I'm not too sure what to do with myself right now, to be honest. I know I have heaps of school work to do but I just want my weekend to be my weekend for now. I already did heaps of research and designed something for my History assignment, so I've made progress. I have a lot to do though... I'm just being lazy, I think. But hey, I have 12 days to finish 7 assignments and 3 construction assessments so I think even though I will be pushing it I'll just make myself do it. Maybe I should put the laptop away to avoid procrastination on the internet. Hahahahahaha. Yeah right.
Okay okay 12 days isn't much. I'm going to do some bloody homework. Geeez.
Shawty's like a melody in my head that I can't keep out....
Today has been rather pleasant. That's a lie, because it's 4:56am and I just woke up from my uncharacteristic evening nap? Honestly, I fell asleep a few hours ago, but I cannot get back to sleep. It may be because when I woke up I was dehydrated as, so I just sculled about a litre of water and also about 3 mouthfuls of air. It could also be because I made myself the fattest sandwich and then made myself finish it and my tummy is all sore and bloated. That was before I fell asleep though. I must have been tired.
Anyway, my day yesterday (or the day before?) was a mix of good and not so good. When I woke up I could not bring myself to get out of bed, so I ended up sleeping in more than I had planned. Then I got up and farted around doing my thing (not literally) and went to leave, but once I'd locked my front doors I realized I still had my toothbrush in my mouth. So back inside I go, and as I put my toothbrush down, my keys go too. Without noticing, I walked out and locked the doors, jumped in the car and went to get the keys out of my pocket and heeeeeeeeeello they aren't there. I saw them on the bathroom vanity through the window, and my only way into the house would have required getting on the roof, and it still wasn't a guarantee that I'd fit. So off I toddled down the road for a few kilometers to the top orchard to get my father to open the house for me.
After retrieving my keys, I took my car to Firestone to put on my new tyres that I'd been sent from the people who sold me my new car. Kurt and Jason work there and I was relatively pleased that neither of them recognized me (long story, just know them). Then, to my horror, the nice man showed me that my BRAND NEW tyre had a huge gouge out of the side. I was bummed out for the second time for Friday the 13th, but didn't let it wind me up, just accepted it and continued.
Finally, I drove to polytech and did a bit of work, but was completely and totally over it, so I left and hung out at Shardy and Greg's for a while. I walked out to my car and BAM. Flat tyre. So I have a space saver on at the moment. After dropping Libby off, picking up their dinner and heading home, I organized myself again and went out to Papamoa to meet up with Troy. We went out to Tamsin's housewarming and I ended up doing shots and other naughty-ish things. I did mostly just drink my V though. Then we went back to Troy's (Tam was heaving over the toilet before Midnight) and watched The Hangover, which is hilarious in case you were wondering. I tried to watch Transformers but by that point I was having trouble keeping my eyes open and I just fell asleep.
Today was also pretty sweet. Finally had a whole day at home, just chilling. I spent all morning and afternoon in the sunshine, cruising on my beanbag trying desperately to win Rhythm In The Vines tickets, but alas, my phone dials far too slow. Need a mobile for that stuff.
I sorted out the plan of action for my schoolwork, and did all my internet research for one of my assignments. Which I was stoked with because I wasn't sure how to go about any of it. I had a bit of a twirl with my staff and managed only to hit my lower body, although I cracked myself on the inside-ankle which gave me a bit of a... Fright. I have almost mastered getting it behind my head by my left hand now, and spinning it behind my back. I can spin in circles passing the staff from hand to hand behind me. The obvious figure of eight and a bit of contact. I want to learn contact because I learnt with a seriously heavy staff and the one I have now is a good weight, but if it isn't heavy enough I might have to buy another one just for that purpose that's got dowel down the center. Though I'm pretty sure it's in the length and not the weight, and my staff is up to my chin, I believe. I love staffing because it's so good for coordination and you become completely aware of where every part of your body is (otherwise you're going to set yourself on fire the first time you light up). That and I tend to get into my zone, have my iPod pumping in my ears, dance around and get right into my little jam. I haven't knocked myself out yet, touch wood, but I don't really want to. Because it is going to hurt bad if I do. The only thing is that I think I dance around the staff rather than it around me. Not that it matters. I don't really care what the "rules" are, I just like doing my own thing.
It's almost 6am. I think I'm going to try to sleep a few more hours.
Have a woooooonderful day!
Anyway, my day yesterday (or the day before?) was a mix of good and not so good. When I woke up I could not bring myself to get out of bed, so I ended up sleeping in more than I had planned. Then I got up and farted around doing my thing (not literally) and went to leave, but once I'd locked my front doors I realized I still had my toothbrush in my mouth. So back inside I go, and as I put my toothbrush down, my keys go too. Without noticing, I walked out and locked the doors, jumped in the car and went to get the keys out of my pocket and heeeeeeeeeello they aren't there. I saw them on the bathroom vanity through the window, and my only way into the house would have required getting on the roof, and it still wasn't a guarantee that I'd fit. So off I toddled down the road for a few kilometers to the top orchard to get my father to open the house for me.
After retrieving my keys, I took my car to Firestone to put on my new tyres that I'd been sent from the people who sold me my new car. Kurt and Jason work there and I was relatively pleased that neither of them recognized me (long story, just know them). Then, to my horror, the nice man showed me that my BRAND NEW tyre had a huge gouge out of the side. I was bummed out for the second time for Friday the 13th, but didn't let it wind me up, just accepted it and continued.
Finally, I drove to polytech and did a bit of work, but was completely and totally over it, so I left and hung out at Shardy and Greg's for a while. I walked out to my car and BAM. Flat tyre. So I have a space saver on at the moment. After dropping Libby off, picking up their dinner and heading home, I organized myself again and went out to Papamoa to meet up with Troy. We went out to Tamsin's housewarming and I ended up doing shots and other naughty-ish things. I did mostly just drink my V though. Then we went back to Troy's (Tam was heaving over the toilet before Midnight) and watched The Hangover, which is hilarious in case you were wondering. I tried to watch Transformers but by that point I was having trouble keeping my eyes open and I just fell asleep.
Today was also pretty sweet. Finally had a whole day at home, just chilling. I spent all morning and afternoon in the sunshine, cruising on my beanbag trying desperately to win Rhythm In The Vines tickets, but alas, my phone dials far too slow. Need a mobile for that stuff.
I sorted out the plan of action for my schoolwork, and did all my internet research for one of my assignments. Which I was stoked with because I wasn't sure how to go about any of it. I had a bit of a twirl with my staff and managed only to hit my lower body, although I cracked myself on the inside-ankle which gave me a bit of a... Fright. I have almost mastered getting it behind my head by my left hand now, and spinning it behind my back. I can spin in circles passing the staff from hand to hand behind me. The obvious figure of eight and a bit of contact. I want to learn contact because I learnt with a seriously heavy staff and the one I have now is a good weight, but if it isn't heavy enough I might have to buy another one just for that purpose that's got dowel down the center. Though I'm pretty sure it's in the length and not the weight, and my staff is up to my chin, I believe. I love staffing because it's so good for coordination and you become completely aware of where every part of your body is (otherwise you're going to set yourself on fire the first time you light up). That and I tend to get into my zone, have my iPod pumping in my ears, dance around and get right into my little jam. I haven't knocked myself out yet, touch wood, but I don't really want to. Because it is going to hurt bad if I do. The only thing is that I think I dance around the staff rather than it around me. Not that it matters. I don't really care what the "rules" are, I just like doing my own thing.
It's almost 6am. I think I'm going to try to sleep a few more hours.
Have a woooooonderful day!
Saturday, November 7, 2009
There's no point trying to find a title for this.
As you may or may not have figured out, the person who apologized to me was the man I fell in love with so long ago. It's all my fault for contacting him. And now I don't think I can hold it together, which is stupid because it's my own fault. I shouldn't have let myself get upset about him moving on. I knew it was going to happen. But not so quickly. I knew what was going on not long after we broke up, but it's kinda only just hit home that I have been completely replaced. In not even a month, I might add. And where I thought we were getting close to in our relationship is the point he had got to with somebody else in under a year. His baby is due in February. And as stupid as I feel for letting it get to me, I can't get past this one thing - I thought we were going to be together forever. I thought he was my soulmate. And now it's hard to believe that he ever loved me. I can't believe I was so stupid. I was SO STUPID. Why didn't I leave after I came back from Perth even the second time. I should have known that this is where it would end up. I only held onto him by a thread back then. I wish this feeling would stop. My mind and heart should be cautious of him. I should know this by now. But my first instinct is to trust because I'm still fucking in love with him. I thought I would have healed by now but I haven't and the wounds are now fresh again. I want to die.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Don't hold yourself like that, you'll hurt your knees...
Today has been well and truly the most interesting day I've had in some time. I finally found the utility to access my webcam, so I've been making silly videos, recordings and the best ever MSN display pictures.
I contacted somebody that I didn't think I ever would, again. I removed the blogs regarding the whole situation, because if I could delete them without a second thought, I figured that maybe now was the time. And he apologized. And as much as some people wouldn't think that is enough, it is enough for me. I never, ever expected an apology for any of the goings-on. I never thought that he would come out and admit that he was wrong (not saying I'm perfect...). I don't think he understands quite how much it meant to me for him not to blow me off when I messaged him (the title was reply not required, in case he didn't want me contacting him...). I know that he has moved on. I am genuinely happy for him. He seems in such a better space now. Which makes me wonder if it was my fault in the first place... But it doesn't even merit thinking about now. But I thought I'd share that little bit of progress.
I'm trying to reconnect with people. To forgive, to be kind, to be loyal and make the effort to keep in touch with my friends and family regularly. I went through a long stage of isolation and I lost a few bonds I had made with people that I should have held close to my heart. I think the next step in life is to rebuild the foundations, and grow from there. Can't make progress without laying the right foundations. Though, just so the universe is aware, I will be very careful who I choose to help me through the next part of my life - If I choose the wrong people, I'll be starting back at foundations again in a few years time, if that. So positive, sensible and compassionate are the 3 guidelines. But how do I do that and still finish course? Dedication, motivation and discipline are what the next week will be. I'll post again when I have finished all my assignments and I'm free from homework and my LIFE. =P
- Jordan.
I contacted somebody that I didn't think I ever would, again. I removed the blogs regarding the whole situation, because if I could delete them without a second thought, I figured that maybe now was the time. And he apologized. And as much as some people wouldn't think that is enough, it is enough for me. I never, ever expected an apology for any of the goings-on. I never thought that he would come out and admit that he was wrong (not saying I'm perfect...). I don't think he understands quite how much it meant to me for him not to blow me off when I messaged him (the title was reply not required, in case he didn't want me contacting him...). I know that he has moved on. I am genuinely happy for him. He seems in such a better space now. Which makes me wonder if it was my fault in the first place... But it doesn't even merit thinking about now. But I thought I'd share that little bit of progress.
I'm trying to reconnect with people. To forgive, to be kind, to be loyal and make the effort to keep in touch with my friends and family regularly. I went through a long stage of isolation and I lost a few bonds I had made with people that I should have held close to my heart. I think the next step in life is to rebuild the foundations, and grow from there. Can't make progress without laying the right foundations. Though, just so the universe is aware, I will be very careful who I choose to help me through the next part of my life - If I choose the wrong people, I'll be starting back at foundations again in a few years time, if that. So positive, sensible and compassionate are the 3 guidelines. But how do I do that and still finish course? Dedication, motivation and discipline are what the next week will be. I'll post again when I have finished all my assignments and I'm free from homework and my LIFE. =P
- Jordan.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'm gonna take you back to MY HOUSE...
WELL. Hasn't it been a while? The beauty of privacy. Ahhh.
Lying in bed for the first time in ages and been able to surf the ol' world wide web.
Just a quick update, Ellen and I aren't really talking now, long story that would be inappropriate for blogspace. I've gone back to my course after giving up for 3 weeks and my tutors have been amazing. I'm pretty pleased I'm staying, really. Doing well with the most current assignment but probably still behind most other people.
Aaaand I'm afraid I was a tad naughty today. You see, one of the many people that came and went through the Victory st flat was a man we like to call Mr James. I can't really explain him to you, because I'm pretty sure he likes to keep information about him on the web to a minimum. But anyway, he'd been living on the couch for months and a while ago, we celebrated his birthday. I don't think I have ever drunk that amount of RTDs before and actually A. Not had to pee every 5 seconds, B. Not fallen asleep. So by 11pm we were both a kind of blur of drunkness and we ended up getting together for a while. Then, long story short I broke up with him because I couldn't handle being ignored by him when I spent 90% of my time in his presence up until he moved out and didn't come to see me or even call for a week. I felt terrible but I did it by txt because I didn't want to talk to him on the phone. Now everything is good and he reckons that we're better together when we're not together, if that makes sense. And this afternoon before he went back to his place, he told me to stop on the way through and I kinda just said "Well I'll probably just head straight through," because what the hell is the point of me going there and just wanting to leave the whole time because he just does his own thing and I was absolutely shattered. Then I felt bad because he was all bummed out. But then he shouldn't have been a wanker and shouldn't have tried to tell me off for "stealing the blankets" when there is only one, it's mine and if he wants it he can fuckin' come closer and all problems will be solved because I'm like a walking radiator. Blah blah blah... I know.
Life is relatively boring. I lost my plot and obviously left my ciggies at Shardy's and now I've had no before bed smoke and I won't have my morning fag. So maybe I will be drinking a bit of coffee....
Lying in bed for the first time in ages and been able to surf the ol' world wide web.
Just a quick update, Ellen and I aren't really talking now, long story that would be inappropriate for blogspace. I've gone back to my course after giving up for 3 weeks and my tutors have been amazing. I'm pretty pleased I'm staying, really. Doing well with the most current assignment but probably still behind most other people.
Aaaand I'm afraid I was a tad naughty today. You see, one of the many people that came and went through the Victory st flat was a man we like to call Mr James. I can't really explain him to you, because I'm pretty sure he likes to keep information about him on the web to a minimum. But anyway, he'd been living on the couch for months and a while ago, we celebrated his birthday. I don't think I have ever drunk that amount of RTDs before and actually A. Not had to pee every 5 seconds, B. Not fallen asleep. So by 11pm we were both a kind of blur of drunkness and we ended up getting together for a while. Then, long story short I broke up with him because I couldn't handle being ignored by him when I spent 90% of my time in his presence up until he moved out and didn't come to see me or even call for a week. I felt terrible but I did it by txt because I didn't want to talk to him on the phone. Now everything is good and he reckons that we're better together when we're not together, if that makes sense. And this afternoon before he went back to his place, he told me to stop on the way through and I kinda just said "Well I'll probably just head straight through," because what the hell is the point of me going there and just wanting to leave the whole time because he just does his own thing and I was absolutely shattered. Then I felt bad because he was all bummed out. But then he shouldn't have been a wanker and shouldn't have tried to tell me off for "stealing the blankets" when there is only one, it's mine and if he wants it he can fuckin' come closer and all problems will be solved because I'm like a walking radiator. Blah blah blah... I know.
Life is relatively boring. I lost my plot and obviously left my ciggies at Shardy's and now I've had no before bed smoke and I won't have my morning fag. So maybe I will be drinking a bit of coffee....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
